Sitting With Discomfort
Sitting on a cactus would hurt. Discomfort occurs from the experience of a physical or mental sensation that deviates from a given baseline. In other words, something isn’t quite right. Physical discomfort may be familiar in the form of pain. You touch a hot stove, your finger hurts, you reflexively pull away and that spot on your finger may experience discomfort for a short period of time. When this happens you may be inclined to put ice on the burn, or if severe enough you receive a burn cream from a physician. When you have a headache, Tylenol stops the headache. But what about mental discomfort? How do you handle the times in which you experience a mental burn?
Mental or emotional discomfort does not always have an easy fix. You are conditioned to want to stop the discomfort, however, you can’t put an ice pack on mental discomfort. Quick fixes such as alcohol, nicotine, or sugar only provide short term relief. It’s the equivalent of putting a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches.
2020 was not easy. I spent- and continue to spend- plenty of time alone with myself. This can be very difficult. Prolonged quarantines force us into new situations which undoubtedly result in feeling a loss of control. When we feel unable to solve a problem or control a situation discomfort sets in-which is also related to experiences of stress and anxiety. Sometimes the discomfort forces us to think about or process feelings and emotions that are otherwise suppressed.
Due to the rapid pace of the world today we do not spend much time in solitary thought. The ability to be entertained at a moment’s notice using technology means we are often uncomfortable being just with ourselves. So what do you do when you are forced to spend time with yourself? How do you handle a new experience that pushes you out of your comfort zone? The go-to for many is to engage in a coping behavior to take the mind off of the discomfort, in the same way that we find the Tylenol to make the headache go away. These coping behaviors could be positive or negative. Going for a walk outside, making a cup of coffee or tea, or phoning a friend can help; as can making a drink, having a smoke, or eating a brownie. While healthier coping behaviors are more ideal, none of the above addresses the root of the discomfort.
Sometimes life problems solve themselves. Sometimes we are in a position to solve the problem on our own. Sometimes, however, the solution to a problem isn’t immediate. Sometimes the feeling of unease lasts longer than we would like. During times like these, we need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
The pandemic and all that it implies is difficult for me. While I enjoy the flexibility of working remotely, the long periods without human in-person interaction are a struggle. The large reduction in my time requirements allows me time to think about how I am approaching every aspect of my life. As I’ve taken a deeper look into myself, over a long period of time, some unease and discomfort set in. I began to feel that there is something I’m supposed to be doing or working towards, but am unable to put my finger on exactly what that looks like. We all experience this feeling at times in our life, and our typical response is to jump from one activity to the next to see what works, although that’s not always the best solution.
The restrictions of the last year did not allow me to engage in a lot of new opportunities, and as a result, I’ve been forced to sit with my discomfort. To think about it, to let it be, and know that as long as I keep working in a positive direction with a positive mindset my discomfort will eventually resolve.
If you are like so many experiencing unease and discomfort right now how do you cope? Here are some tips for learning to work through discomfort:
- Acknowledge and verbalize what you are feeling using descriptive words:
I am frustrated when I feel overworked in my job.
I am anxious about my financial security due to increasing bills.
I am anxious because my life is over-scheduled.
I am nervous that my family members may get sick.
I am scared of what the future will look like for my children.
I am unsure about my future.
I am tired……
Etc. - Acknowledge and verbalize the pieces of the situation that you CAN control:
I can avoid answering work emails at home.
I can put all my bills into a spreadsheet.
I can schedule downtime for myself and my family.
I can say no to activities that are not essential (*this begins with acknowledging essential vs. non-essential commitments).
I can take health precautions.
I can commit to teaching my children respect and values in my home.
I can control my response to situations.
I can go to bed 15 minutes earlier. - Take action when possible:
Remove email push notifications from your phone or tablet to avoid receiving them after hours.
Analyze your monthly financial situation and remove or reduce one financial commitment. For example: reducing a cable package by one-tier.
Stop saying “yes” every time you’re invited to be a part of a group or event. Make sure you schedule off or downtime for yourself and your family.
Make family dinners a priority one night a week.
In tense situations, take 30 seconds before responding. This brief pause may be just the amount of time you need to think about- and be more mindful of- your response to others. - Finally, accept when action isn’t possible and things are out of your control. If you know that you have acknowledged your struggle and made a commitment to act on what you can control, be willing to let the rest go. Then be open in heart and mind to what life presents to you, and in time your discomfort will ease and your path forward will be revealed.
At the end of the day, we will never have all the answers we seek. Be ok with not knowing. Be ok with being in the present. When we accept that we are not in complete control, we open ourselves to opportunities that have not yet presented themselves.
