2021 Year-End Review
The older I get the more I realize just how much I don’t know. I realize just how much I can’t control. I realize that the only hope for contentment and happiness is to be present and exist in every moment, while avoiding too much thought towards the past and the future. The present is the only thing that really is.
This intro sounds sad, but it’s not meant to be. I enjoy sitting in this stage of life where reflection and quiet are becoming more important. I have thought a lot about how I would summarize 2021 and until this morning have struggled to give some order to my thoughts.
I spent 14 months between March 2020 and June 2021 working completely from home. There is a lot of quiet time for thought when you’re alone with yourself. A year ago my thoughts on where life was leading me were a bit different than they are today. The last year has been full of many unexpected twists, turns, and challenges. There have been moments of pure joy intermingled with moments of despair. But I think that’s part of the beauty of this life that we are blessed to live. It is not supposed to be the social media version of good and picture-ready all the time- or at all. Behind every smile lies a struggle. That doesn’t lessen the wonder of the smile, it just makes us humans who laugh and cry, and love and hurt. Experiencing those emotions means we are actively living.
2020 led into 2021 with the consistent message that I am not completely in control. As I sit here trying to figure out what I feel about the year past and the year to come, I realize that the last almost 24 months has been for me a lesson in letting go of control. I have realized that I don’t have to have all the answers all the time- that isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. I have realized that while we aim at certain targets in life, we must be prepared for things to turn out differently than we expect.
I experienced quite a few non-sucesses during 2021. I now know that I tend to learn most about myself in the moments I don’t succeed. But these moments aren’t failures because failure implies giving up or quitting…and I don’t quit. I may shift goals. I may redirect. I may hit a road block that requires rerouting…. but the only time we can fail is when we stop. Not succeeding is an opportunity for immense learning and growth. And that’s where I am at today in this moment on December 27, 2021. As I sat home every day for 14 months I always felt like I was on the precipice of something. What I now realize is that precipice wasn’t a position or a thing…. it is growth.
So I sit here today, after a difficult last week, and am content with the fact that although I know there are things on the horizon, my focus right now will be on continuing to grow. And I trust that through that growth, through slowing down, through letting go of control and allowing myself to feel every emotion, I’ll continue to work towards the person I’m intended to be.
In 2022 I want to focus more on doing the little things right. I want to be intentional with my words AND actions. I want to be a better planner so that I am more prepared to take on the curve balls I know will come my way. I want less distractions and more focus on manifesting what is supposed to be. A trek through an unknown forest is much easier when we have enough food and water. This trek through the unknowns of life is more manageable when we commit to preparation. I am not big on New Year’s Resolutions but I guess as this phase of my life transitions this is my resolution: Compassion; Preparation; Simplicity.
